“Relationships, particularly long-term ones, are a lot of things: difficult, complicated, illuminating, fulfilling, heartbreaking and joyful. After being married for nearly a decade, I would know. Three years ago, my husband and I went through the hardest year of our marriage. My mother died, my teenage brother moved in with us and both of us realized our center would not hold.
One of the major revelations I had during our struggles was that I’d spent much of our relationship trying to make my husband happy. Not by doting, necessarily, or performing large acts of love, but in subtler ways. When he was sad, I felt responsible to turn his mood around. If he wasn’t having a good day, I felt like it was my job to make his life better. But the truth was it wasn’t working.
Because it wasn’t my job.”
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